Christina Lives Freely

It has been over two years since my last blog post. It’s honestly really tough to think of how to even start to write an update after so long! It is impossible to try to summarize over two years of life lived in a single post, and I wouldn’t even feign an attempt to do so.  I have over a dozen draft blog posts sitting on my computer – half hearted attempts at trying to put my thoughts and feelings about this most recent phase of my life, the impossible task of balancing motherhood and career and personal interests/fulfillment, into words. Some of these draft posts are only a few sentences long while others are hundreds of words – but all of them have one thing in common – they are unfinished. And because so much time has elapsed from when I started writing them until now, they will remain that way. Which is why I find myself starting another draft blog post today. Will this one even get published? Or will it join the many other half finished musings that will sit forgotten, never to be read? (Let’s hope I actually finish this one…  but my track record hasn’t been great).

It has gotten me thinking – why is it that I have such a hard time actually finishing these blog posts lately? I can think of a myriad of reasons… such as; I feel like I have nothing of importance to say, I don’t feel like I have nothing “new” to contribute to the blogosphere, my day-to-day has become largely routine and therefore “boring” and not worth sharing. Or maybe it’s my desire for perfection – that what I need to publish online needs to be, for whatever reason, the “perfect” post. I don’t know why I feel that way – considering the whole reason I started this blog was simply to have a way to reflect and write about my life and my adventures in a commemorative way for myself and my own family and friends. It’s not like this blog is my job or I’m getting paid to write these things! While I thought I didn’t care what the anonymous internet world (or not so anonymous since most people who read this are probably my own friends and family) may think about what I write, apparently I do care, and I care quite a lot! When it came to this blog – which I originally created as a tool to write about and share my exciting adventures either abroad or in the mountains – I suddenly had feelings of inadequacy because my adventures as of late (now that I am a mother) have looked very different compared to my previous adventures. I haven’t scaled any 11,000ers since giving birth to Augie, or gone on an intrepid international adventure, or…. the list goes on.

Top Row: Backcountry skiing in the high alpine pre-baby vs. cross country skiing at a golf course with baby!

Bottom Row: Our backcountry bivvy site to summit North Victoria (an 11’000er) vs. front country camping in Yellowstone with Augie

In fact, my online presence over the past couple years has been dwindling dramatically. My desire to engage with social media as a whole has completely plummeted. A big part of why I’ve taken a step back from social media is because I’ve intentionally wanted to be more conscious of where and how I’m investing my time and attention. But if I’m getting off my “digital minimalist high horse”, it’s also probably because I’ve been a lot less “cool” these past few years. I’m no longer a mid-twenties single gal taking off for weekend mountain trips on a whim, or solo travelling to Thailand or Australia every couple months! I’m a early-thirties toddler-mom working an office job who spends her weekends catching up on chores and going to the local library or public pool for family swim time. It doesn’t seem quite as Instagram worthy, does it now?! 

But then I realized –  I actually DO think I’m still really cool – just in a different way and in a different season of life! OK, maybe I haven’t completed a marathon or Ironman, but I did breastfeed my son for nearly 2 years straight! I haven’t ticked off on any of my bucket list mountaineering objectives lately – but we (perhaps naively) spent a dozen nights camping with our two year old in National Parks (maybe that will warrant it’s own blogpost!). The only reason I may have had niggling feelings of inadequacy about my day-to-day adventures (or lack thereof) is because of social media and the endless comparison of our lives with others. Why has it become the norm to benchmark how we are living and our happiness and success against what only appears to be happy and successful online, according to some “influencer”? One of my favourite quotes, attributed to Theodore Roosevelt is “Comparison is the thief of joy“. I really am a firm believer in digital minimalism as an antidote to this (note to self – another future blog post idea!) But if you want to learn more, check out this book by Cal Newport that I read a couple years ago which inspired this initial change, although it was only a 3 star read, I was on board with most of the concepts). 

While I fully intend to continue limiting (and reducing) my time spend on social media (even when I start being ‘cooler’). I do miss longform content creation like blogging. And because as humans we all are so wired to care what other’s think about us, and are constantly comparing ourselves to others, I realize I’ve subconsciously let that get in my way of doing something I genuinely love doing – which is writing. I’ve been reading more lately, and the best stories and writings often aren’t the ones that are about the “coolest” adventures, but ones that are the most raw, real and genuine. So maybe this is the start of my comeback to the blogosphere – and embracing that when I write, it is an outlet for me to be 100% me 🙂 Hopefully, it just won’t take another two years for my next update 😉